NO retreat!

I’ve been on a lot of retreats in my life. I counted them up the other day … roughly one per year since I was 13 years old makes about 44 all together. My first one was with a group of adults in my last year of elementary school. How I ended up at the Marylake Retreat Centre in that group I’ll never know. There were school retreats and monastic retreats, in the silent monastery where I already lived and never talked to anybody anyway. Now what was that all about. There were Encounter Retreats with my students, three per year for ??? years; some of the VERY best of my experiences as an educator. Now there is the present one, the 1st Annual CPL congregational retreat.

I’m going to go home and book next years immediately! This has been one of the most satisfying and exhausting experiences of my ministerial leadership. This has been one of those experiences that defines who I am as the community leader for the Centre and who we are as a community. I’m so excited about the work we have done here. As I prepare for our last morning together … it is about 5AM right now and I’m thinking that were I at home right now I’d be sitting in the window seat and working on my lesson. I’d be drinking Starbucks and waiting for the call from my prayer partner. So stepping away form the normal is what it is all about; adjusting my perspective; getting out of the routine, and just simply looking at the world from a mountain top.

What have I discovered? I’m surrounded by extraordinarily gifted and generous people. CPL is dynamic in those who are HERE now. If it were to never attract one more person through its doors, it would already be an extraordinary success. The dedication to Truth and to living life in Integrity and Love; the commitment to Spiritual Growth; the willingness to create community through open and honest and often difficult communication; the desire to see CPL based on a foundation of prosperity … all of these values seemed to emerge effortlessly from the groups who worked together for almost two full days. The leadership of the Board Members and Staff ministers as well as our facilitator, Bob Sloane, has been outstanding in every way. As a congregation we owe these people a debt of gratitude for leading this “Spiritual Genome Project” to its final and touching conclusion.

The fruit of the work done this weekend will be felt VERY powerfully in the weeks and months to come. There is no turning back, no faltering in our movement forward … in short … no retreat!

In Shape????

I guess we're always "in shape". The question is, what shape is that? I imagine you've figured out that i'm now using two books for my morning inspirational practice.

I have a model sailboat on my mantle. It's a fairly large scale one of the famous J boats from the 30's and somewhere packed away in all of my junk I have a small ship in a bottle. It's (the ship in the bottle) really beautifully realized and exquisite in it's attention to detail. Let's face it all the time and energy that it took to get it into that bottle has got to be worth something. There has also got to be a reason why it is packed away and not out on display.

well ... I read PDL first thing this morning and I liked it. There was the usual stuff about what God wants from me but I'm learning to just kind of step over that and move on and look for the "meat" of the message for the day. There was a lot I enjoyed thjis morning. I liked much of what I read and saw how powerfully liking my shape and recognizing how unique and gifted I am ... just as I am could and would lead me a greater sense of fulfillment and a greater desire to serve (minister, same thing).
Since this is a big topic of conversation in our Centre and in the world generally, I looked forward to getting launched with a new idea, new motivation, new intention. In the end all I got was, "Do it cuz God wants you to ... and He'll like you better for it."

" In heaven we are gonig to serve God forever. Right now, we can prepare for eternal service by practicing on earth."

Suddenly I remembered my ship in the bottle. Rick's message has been beautifully crafted over centuries, it is exquisite in its attention to the biblical, theological message ... and it, like the ship in the bottle, is going nowhere.

Pema Chodron, on the other hand is like my J Boat on the mantle. I could pull that boat off the stand, step out on the dock, put it in the water and watch the tide carry it out to sea. Where it would end up ... who knows. In short a vision like the one in The Wisdom of No Escape fires my imagination, lifts me up on the wings of "a better yet to be" and fuels my intention to be here now!
Even the title The Wisdom of no Escape is filled with promise. The problem with heaven as I see it is ... it's an escape route. The path of service, meditation, prayer, love, relationship, even struggle .... our life generally has to do with curiosity and inquisitiveness. Getting to know my shape is about befriending who I already am through a process of getting to know who that is in action in the world here ... not practicing for some REALLY important work later. Chodron says that people often tell her, "I really wanted to contact you, visit you, call you, write to you and get some advice on things but I wanted to wanted to be more together first." Her response? "Well, if you're anything like me you could wait forever."

I learned yesterday that one of the most important influences in my life and one of the major contributors to the "fabric of good will"on the planet died in July. Randy Revell along with his wife Judy (happily still with us) were the founders of Context Associated. I remember Randy speaking at the Hyatt in Vancouver one morning in one of his intor's to the Persuit of Excellence.

I remember still how his fabric of good will speech touched me and fired my imagination with the idea that I could do something to restore that fabric here and now. Randy, I would not be a minister today were it not for you and for that speech. I don't know where you are now, but I'm happy that you were there, then.

For the Persuit, the Wall, the Advancement, Mastery and 21st Century Leadership. I thank you. Most importantly for your vision of a world transformed ...

... in the shape you're in ... sail on NOW!

day 31 and counting

i've been @ the computer about 2.5 hours right now answering emails and writing. I split my time between thinking, reflecting, praying and just generally holding a divine tension in my thoughts PDL? Understanding your shape; the combination of my abilities, personality and experiences... See if you can relate to this one. I'm profoundly suspicious of my personality ever since the Undefended Love workshop. What is this assemblage of reactions, needs, desires and compensatory identities that I call my personality and how trustworthy is it in face of all of the change growth and evolution, both personal and collective that I am immersed in? How much can I depend on these experiences that I think have shaped my life when I now know that I created those VERY experiences out of my perceptions and then the story I told myself about those perceptions. Pema Chodron in The Wisdom of No Escape No such thing as a true story!!! NO such thing as a true story. No matter what I am telling myself about what happened there is NO SUCH THING AS A TRUE STORY and as soon as I think there is, I have closed myself off to all forms of fresh and creative thinking ... I have closed myslef off to the Tao, to God. There is ample truth for this in all of our collective lived experience and in our individual experience. I dont have to scratch the surface very far or even go back beyond ... my thoughts of 30 minutes ago to get plenty of evidence for this one.

i'm stepping out and exploring and all around me people are doing the same, just as other epole are becoming more entrenched in thier beliefs. I'm speaking on EVERY scale now, global, national, local, ... hell even within the Centre.
Buddhism is not free of it they coined the phrase", "if you see the Buddha on the road, kill him". ... christianity is not free of it, Islam is not free of it the USA is not free of it, Canada, Burundi, Vanuatu ... are not free of it and CPL is NOT free of it. If you see Ernest Holmes on the road or anyone who looks like him ... KILL him!

"God once decided to teach his loyal believers a lesson. They were hard at work each group in their respective fields on either side of a road that divided them. They liked each other, were pleasant to one another and beleived firmly in what ... they believed was the truth. One day God walked down the road smiling and waving and wearing a hat that was red on one side and green on the other. All of the people smiled and waved back and congratulated themselves that they ahd had an expereince of God. They stayed together and shared their experience andas long as they did so things went well. At one point one of the group approached a member of the group across the raod and in passing said that he had truly admired God's red hat. "What do you mean red hat? It was green," the other said ... or words to that effect. I guess it always depend on that personalities, abilities and experiences of the interlocutors how they will respond to one another. Let's assume this exchange was a little bit to the right of warm and cuddly.

Well a jihad came out of this disagreement which threatened world peace and the survival of all life on the planet ... oops wrong story! ... the peace and contentment of the spiritual community.

God watched this unfold for a while and said enough of this bullshit and walked back in the opposite direction showing the opposite sides of the hat to the startled and ... hmmm How did they receive this "new Revelation"?
Well Pema says they immediately began to stammer "Ah you were right. He did have on a red hat. We're so sorry, we just saw incorrectly. The other side said, "No no YOU we're right and we were wrong."

And so began another story that is simply NOT true. Just another story ... just another story

Day 30 ...ten to go!

Shaped for Service .... I've just spent the day reflecting on my Sunday ... Warren says "when you are doing what you love no one has to motivate you". I never have trouble getting up in the morning and I'm especially motivated on Sunday mornings. I think there might be a clue here as I continue to puzzzzle on two big questions. What was I shaped for ...really? In the jumble of lives as deckhand and taxi driver, busdriver, business owner, merchant, monk and teacher and now minister ... what was a really shaped for?

The other is and I guess, this is what you've been wanting to know, what is it that enthuzes me, what is the passion and where is my greatest effectrieness in my ministry life right NOW?

Jeff Bezos... the head of the Multi-billion $$$$$ Amazon.com was fired up with the idea of a world without shopping malls. "I want to be the world's shopping mall!"

I'm not interested in wasting my life in a job that doesn't express my heart; that isn't an outpicturing of my passion; never have been. And those jobs I did that were not expressions of my heart did not last long. So here I am 7 years into ministry ... in the most satisfying (and challenging) job of my life and saying to myself as I told y'all on Sunday ... from problem ... to solution ... to IMAGINE a world ... or my life ... or a Centre that .... and you'll have it!

I'm not going to tell you I dont have a vision for my ministry or the Centre. It's everywhere if you look for it .... on the website, on the Sunday programme in notes from meeting, in my comments on Sunday ... and ... well everywhere but it .. it isn't written with the clarity and punch of "imagine a world without shopping malls" And THAT is what I'm going for now ... and nothing less. So right now ... I'm praying for a vision ... wont you pray too.

... in the mean time I KNOW I was shaped for serving ....

"God works through different individuals in different ways, and it is the same God who achieves It's purposes through them all." 1 Cor. 12:6

tonglen

Have you noticed that when you start down a "track", thinking a certain way, entertaining a train of thought or just exploring some new mind set ... all kinds of re-enforcement for that new path start to show up including old books and conversations and events that now take on a new significance?
Undefended Love ... the workshop, the concept, the practice continue to make its effect known in me ... as I continue to struggle with PDL. If nothing else, folks, this should let you in on one of my most significant character traits. I don't give up! Some mornings like this one I read (Day 28, It Takes Time .... and I think about all of the wonderful ideas that simply go completely sideways for me because of phrases like these

"Though God could instantly transform us, He has chosen to develop us slowly"
"God knows better"
"We are often in a hurry, God isn't."
"God teaches you about Him"
"God is concerned about how strong we grow. God views our lives from and for eternity."

Sometimes I ask what is it in me that cannot relate to this line of thinking and other times how can ANYONE think like this. I know that any of us can do the mental gymnastics necessary to transform this from the literal to the metaphorical but what is it that prompts someone to believe this "literally"? What is it that would cause someone to place such an awesome power outside of ones self and then wait in cheerful submission for some transformative experience that will come when that power decides it's time? ... ... ... Oh yeah! Back to tonglen!

Pema Chodron is a Canadian Buddhist nun living in her monastery in Nova Scotia and is a very published author for Shambala Press. A number of years ago I rec'd a gift of several of her books Places that Scare You and The Wisdom of No Escape, among them. ( Thank you, David)
Here's what she has to say in Wisdom of No ... "It seems too often that we are victims of not enough nurturing in the beginning, and we don't know when we've grown up. Some of us at the age of 50 or 60 or 70 are still wondering what we're going to be when we grow up. We remain children in our heart of hearts, which is to say, fundamentally theists."

How many of us are children/victims/theists? Is that the answer ... Not enough nurturing? What kind of nurturing?

Chodron teaches tonglen practice, a form of meditation that coincides VERY closely with our philosophy and dovetails beautifully from a psychological perspective with Undefended Love (do you see how this is all coming together now?)
My first day in a Centre for Positive Living as I was emerging from Catholicism, I was very much a victim, of my job, my relationship, my family of origin, the bad economy, my religion, in short my beliefs about how life worked. I was waiting for the great transformative experience which, at that moment, looked like The Centre for Positive Living. At first I worked to prove I wasn't a victim. Later I worked to prove I had some power. I hung out here a VERY long time and in truth many of us never go beyond that point in our spiritual maturation. I got seduced by this new found ability to use my consciousness to create a greater experience for myself and ... as if by accident, for others. At that point tonglen came into my experience.
At that point I recognized that all of the personal power in the world would never satisfy the need to go to the "ground of Being" that I truly am and live from that place. I had co-opted my "essential self" to get something in the world. I had done just what Christians accuse us of. I had made my personality, my God.

Tonglen essentially says "Take on the pain of all sentient beings. Breathe it into your being like a hot, black, heavy smoke and breathe out the cool, white and light breath of loving kindness."
Use your being as the place of transformation of all living creatures. Always the place of darkness in the other touches the place of darkness in me ...

None of my spiritual work really is approaching its true value until it is of value to someone other than me. What a remarkable transformative prayer ministry this could be. Feels it is a little ambitious to start with ALL sentient beings? Maybe!

Why not start with those difficult and suffering members of our own spiritual community ...

reflecting...reflecting...? REFLECTING!!!!

I've had to leave off blogging for while. My latest trip into reflecting (more about that in a moment) took me away from the computer to an intensive workshop on Undefended Love (see the review on this site). While I was there processing and being processed ... I asked myself ...repeatedly "Why do you do this to yourself?" I woke up at 3AM on Sunday morning after a really restless sleep with the answer. In my dream I was angrily polishing a mirror. I lay there for the next few hours until it was time to get up praying to go back to sleep. I had only two books with me (on purpose), Undefended Love and The Purpose Driven Life. Needless to say I had had quite enough of the Love one and was rapidly reaching my level of tolerance for the Purpose Driven Life. I'm trying REALLY hard but all of the satan, evil, temptation, sin, struggle, suffering and pain is getting to me. I gotta tell you I don't get the appeal of this religion!

I thought it would get easier when I started the section on identifying with Jesus/becoming more Christ-like ... but that is when the pain and suffering and sin got really heavy. Before it was just happiness deferred now it's hard core pre-ordained and to use Rick Warren's term "Father-filtered" pain and suffering.
Then it hit me ... polishing the mirror! REFLECTING! What I'm doing, what we're all doing in in our own way, whether in relationships, professional life, family, even stopping by Save-On (hmmmm? I never thought of writing that before...Is that how it looks on the sign?) anyway ...I'm just a mirror for that Christ quality that Rick is talking about and everything I do, and every interaction, every thought, ... is just polishing the mirror.

The first mature spiritual book I ever read at 18 was Thomas a Kempis The Imitation of Christ. I still refer to my battered copy from time to time and never fail to be caught there by something. What am I trying to tell you here? Whether I'm a Buddhist, a Christian, a Catholic, a Moslem or a Jew, in whatever manner I approach life, I'm never doing anything more than polishing the mirror that reflects my idea of God back to the world. I say my idea of God and I mean my idea of myself ... and just like clean up around the house there is always more to be done. In the very act of living those mirrors get spotted and cloudy and collect grunge from just about everywhere ... and like it or not I just go back to polishing. Call the polishing sin, temptation, struggle ... hell ... call it consciousness, it doesn't change the fact that when I look in the mirror what I see is what I think I recognize as me ... and what is there to be revealed is more of God.

People ask me to articulate my vision for CPL. I do ... ALL the time. And like most of my/our communication is it everywhere, hanging in the air in the space between the words, hidden in the middle of a sentence in a newsletter, or on the webpage under ...About us. It's in the glance that I give you from the podium on a Sunday when I catch your eye or the hug in the Social Centre. It's hanging in the air as I take a breath before I tell you ... "Welcome to the Centre for Positive Living". Mostly, it is in the polishing of the mirror so that the reflecting REALLY takes place. Can I truly live as grand and faithful and beautifully as I know I've been called to? Rick Warren says "You'll never know God is all you need until God is all you've got."
POLISHING time!!!!
You'll never know God is all you need until you KNOW God is all you've got. Right now ... keep polishing ... Confucius said that if by time time you're 50 you've spent your life taking your armour off (polishing the mirror) then you've established a pattern in mind for the rest of your life, you wont be able to stop. If by 50 you've become really good at keeping the armour on ... well ... you get the picture. Wanna know my vision for CPL? You just got it! Namaste!