I won't be kissing strangers tonight ...

I could say i'll be @ home tonight because i'm getting old and i'm not into all the "partying" around New Years but the truth is old or not I was NEVER into it ... and i'm pretty sure most of you aren't either but like Christmas, New Years exerts a powerful influence on us to conform to the obligatory merrymaking. I was thinking yesterday about how difficult Christmas is for so many people. i think we're trapped in a mindset of gotta DO Christmas like in my family. Do you realize how few of us statistically are "in families" these days and yet we want to create this artificial family Christmas thing and drive ourselves crazy trying to achieve it. Rest, comfort and the "peace" Christmas is so famous for are a change of thought away ... aren't they?

Anyway I wont be out kissing a bunch of strangers at midnight tonight. I will be @ home in a place a I love, drinking champagne by candlelight in the bath ... with some one I love and counting my blessings. That's the way I want to end 2004.

I'm thinking. How much is my beautiful float home worth in $$$? How much would I take for it today? What about my partner? If I had to give him up, how much would I want for him? What about my job. Yeah I know how much I earn in a week, a month, a year etc. but how much would I want to really give up the joy, the sense of accomplishment, the feeling of connection, the depth of emotion in seeing a life changed, hope return, relationships healed? What about giving up my eyes; my ability to read and study, or my body ... Oh and with what is going on in in southeast Asia in the wake of the Tsunami ... how much would you take to give up the comfort and security of your life here free from the anguish, pain and death all around you in ... say ... Sumatra, or Thailand or Sri Lanka? I guess you can see where I'm going ... I'm up into the millions of dollars now, probably billions and the list is only just started.

I can see New Years Eve 2005 turning into quite a celebration. Thanks Og Mandino for inspiring my thoughts today ... There is a lot to be thankful for and crass as it may sound putting a $ figure on it really brought it home to me. Gotta go ... Happy New Year everyone ... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... dont mind me i'm just counting

365 w/ Ernest

You witnessed me struggling with the PDL (Purpose Driven Life) for any newcomers and well ... it's time for a new direction. I admit it, I'm one of these guys who likes a bedside table book. you know one of those book you open up every morning and it has a message written just for you. I seek out books like that ... I cherish them and I refer to them over and over again. So I picked up 365 Science of Mind ... I dont know what happened to my original copy. Anyway, it's the thoughts of Ernest Holmes from his daily inspirational messages in the Science of Mind magazine over the last 70 years. The thing that impresses me most about holmes is just how widely read he was and how much knowledge he brought to the philosophy that became his way of life and the passion he eventually brought to spreading it.

On the pages for Dec 11 & 12 alone there are 5 quote from Isaiah, the Tao, John 1 and the Koran. Today ... thinking about light. I got up this morning while it was still VERY dark, mainly because the westerly wind coming up the river had whipped up some pretty impressive swells and I could feel the boat rocking and occasionally hear the bell on the forepeak striking beause of he wind.Down below, it was cold and dark snd the river wasn't even visible yet but I could hear the waves in the darkness. I think sometimes about how movement and sound all around me and even the illusion of "seeing" what is going on blind me to what really is happening in me. Holmes says "The candle of the Lord burns forever because its wick is sunk deep in the wellsprings of Reality. Channukah, is also about lights sunk deep in the wellsprings of God, inexhaustible. Sometimes it seems as if we work so hard to have what is so readily available. Sometimes I think it is looking for or concentrating on the "real" ... you know what I tell myself is really real, struggle, problems seemingly without solutions, just the daily stuff of living that wears me down.

I wonder sometimes what Holmes did when he got to places where the darkness seemed to be overtaking the light.. I know it is about faith, belief. He said today "Today I will walk in the light and my consciousness will be illuminated. My thoughts will be guided and my way guarded for I know that in my light there is no darkness."

I guess there really just has to be the tiniest of cracks allowing the light to come through for me to believe in the light again. While I was sitting staring downriver looking intently into the darkness, the run rose over my shoulder. Sure it was kind of watery and feeble and not too impressive as yet. It kind of snuck up on me in its ... hmmm ... banality. WOW!! the banality of a sunrise. That's when you know you really are overdue for an attitude adjustment. Now @ 8:43, the sunrise is glorious! "In this Divine Light, there are no shadows.

ANNIVERSARY

On this day 1970, I made my Simple Vows in Religious Life; poverty, chastity, obedience, stability and conversion of life. Well one of five ain't bad.

Never More ... or less

I remember in the monastery my spiritual director telling me, "Pray you'll never expereince the sweetness of knowing your Divine Connection." . In this he was echoing a time-honoured tradition in mysticism handed down from the Desert Fathers that the sweetness of connection with god could in itself be addicting and one could begin to seek the feeling rather than the connection; kind of a variation on the "finger pointing at the moon" story.

Now I find myself thinking about all of those times when in the midst of going through day, weeks and months of work in ministry; sitting in prayer or ... and nothing. No sweetness, sometimes little joy. I think it might be like relationships sometimes, all relationships I guess. There are times when you know you love your partner and then there are times when it is a matter of faith.

There are times when i know i'm loved by God and then there are times when ... duh!! ... It's a matter of faith. It is said that some of the saints and mystics, John of the Cross (famous for the dark night of the Soul schtick) spent years without the consolation of the knowing his connection with God. Actually I think he always "KNEW" it but didn't always feel it. St Teresa of Avila is reported to have said to God after having been thrown into an icy stream on one of her "Convent Rescue Missions" "God ... It is no wonder you have so few friends, when the ones you have you treat so badly." The anthropomorphic reference to God aside, don't you sometimes feel that all of the energy you're putting into this God thing deserves justa little comfort and joy.

I kinda think I'm missing something when I get into that particular "pity party".

Sure it would be great to feel and this is perhaps a nod to the "knowing" group in RS that I bashed so badly on Sunday. There is a lot to be said for the certainty that comes from faith; faith that God is always there; faith that when I feel distant from God that I know just who moved; faith that Love, Peace, Harmony and Justice are really there in the midst of chaos and ... death. We watched the documentary on Columbine the other night and ... . We caught the tailend of a report on an Iranian woman's tearful farewell to her family in YVR after a judge ordered her deported her and consigned her to an uncertain fate in her native country. Or just sometimes think of the private hells that some of my people are going through.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
This is definitely not where I want to buy real estate."

Surely Goodness and Mercy ... follow me all the days of my life, You go, Dave!!

Founders ...ALL

When I was in the monastery we were always talking about "new foundations". At the time we were about 130 and with 13 novices in the community, the future for the abbey looked bright. So ... a decision to "found' a new community in Orangeville Ontario was planned. Once the plans were in place it took a long time to muster the manpower to do this and in the intervening time the Abbey's membership began to decline dramatically. Novices and Professed (meaning monks under vows) left suddenly with no undertanding why. Older members began to pass on and the community began to decline. It was clear that the momentum for the foundation had been lost ... and it went ahead anyway. I heard a couple of years ago that after struggling to survive for several years the remaining monks in Orangeville, discouraged and resigned returned to the nest in Quebec to bolster the now foundering mother house. As of this writing, the Abbey itself, shrunk to about 40 members almost all of whom are older, is selling its vast property of 1600 acres and the now unmanageable house built for 170 monks at its height. They are moving to a new home which looks to all intents and purposes as if it will be a retirement home for the last remaining members of the community.

Why am I telling you this story? I believe the Universe only knows how to grow things, people, worlds, ideas, plans, projects and foundations. It just gives; says "yes". If I live in hesitation and fear and make that my "plan" then the Universe, God, says yes and I get more hesitation and fear ... well you get the picture. There is a right time to do things and it is the time we think of doing it and all of our energies have to put to the project then and there. When the energy gets put elsewhere then the Universe supports "elsewhere". I can say I am committed to the new foundation but where is my energy ... REALLY? Ernest Holmes used to say change your mind but most importantly "keep it changed".

If you've decided to do something, commit to something, then really commit. Chopra says our fear of commitment is rooted in the fact that after we commit we are forced to live mentally and emotionally in the void of not knowing where our commitment will take us; what we'll look like a week, month or year from now. Commitment is the place of faith in unfolding good in our lives, free of expectation and frankly it is not always a comfortable place.

When I made my commitment to the Founders program last week. I really had no way of being sure that my income would support my tithes. What I did know however was that the Universe would support my fear ... as well as my faith. So what did I want more of ... more fear? more faith? When I fell in love with my partner, when we made our commitment to one another. I didn't know how we would be together, one year later, what problems we would face, what conflicts would arise but I knew that God would support my love ... or my fear. I chose and continue to choose love. What keeps showing up is more love.

I guess I'm a founder ...laying the foundation of everything in my life. You heard me say that yesterday perhaps. My circumstances are not creating my experience. I am. I need to remind myself of that constantly. Love, money, health, employment, connection to God. More about connection God ... tomorrow. Gotta run!!

here we go again

Seems that life or maybe living intrudes with really getting down to what works for me and that is just sitting and thinking. Then someone comes along and says. I may not be able to come to the Centre all the time but I will always check your blogs (thanks Libby). Then someone else reminds me, "you dont really need to have anything on your mind, jus' let us know what you're thinking about." So what i'm thinking about is the extrordinary success I feel with the results of our retreat. i'm thinking how the posters we have had made up with our vision and purpose and the values that are just kinda appearing "in the flesh'" and how challenging it is going to be to live them.

I'm thinking just how scary launching a founder's Program REALLY is! When studying for ministry or just talking with other ministers the financial stability of our Churches is always a topic of conversation ... just hanging there. Most time we don't talk about it or when we do, it's with knowing nods and thoughtful "hmmmmm's" . Sometimes we have even been known to say everything is great when it isn't for fear that a colleague will say "WOW! what's in your consciousness that you created that?" The truth is that if we all really believed, I mean REALLY beleived in the Ernest Holmes form of "embodied" belief all of the depth, breadth and height of this philosophy we'd all be millionaires. And we aren't are we? So there is something in my consciousness that is creating this and I'm sure as hell gonna find out what it is. If there is anything that I/we as New Thought or Religious Scientists need tro learn it's humility.

So yeah ... I WANT to believe ... that's what launches the whole enterprise for me. JFK may have said America would have a man on the moon by ...(whenever) ... and when he said it ... he probably had arrived at belief. Right now, I'm interested in the want that started the whole thing. I think it is arrogant to claim that I always believe ... arrogant and a lie. If it were true, I'd be that millionaire. Kennedy Schultz once said that a man came up and asked him to pray for him to get 6 million dollars by Tuesday. Kennedy replied "You numb scull do you think if I had enough faith to do that for you I wouldn't do it for myself first rather banging my brains out up here every Sunday . The great MAN himself had not arrived at the "launch pad" of his own prosperity. He believed in the Principle ... but didn't have enough belief to embody it. HUMILITY!

You see, Christians are doing well because they believe profoundly in their fallen state and are willing to do whatever it takes to be saved and redeemed, so attending regularly and tithing to the Church and being active in the "mission field" is a natural response to their call.

What do you do if you're already saved, redeemed and perfect? Tell yourself that "you know the Truth" and that's enough.
You know, i'm beginning to think it isn't.

We have one of the most powerful teachings there ever was and yet it is merely a reflection of the wisdom Dr. Holmes gleaned from his studies of the Vedas, the Upanishads and his conversations with Sri Aurobindo. It's not New Thought after all. The wisdom in our textbook and in the writings of the metaphysical authors like Troward and Hopkins are the keys to a freedom of mind and heart we have not even begun to imagine on this side of the world. The mystical writings of Emma Curtis Hopkins are themselves reflections on ancient mystical writings. So where does that leave us? Sometimes I feel like I'm at the controls of a 747, my ticket to anywhere I want to go and I don't know how to use it and I'm too arrogant ot ask for help.

A book is staring down @ me from the shelf above me "Running with Scissors." You wanted to know what I was thinking about