Never More ... or less

I remember in the monastery my spiritual director telling me, "Pray you'll never expereince the sweetness of knowing your Divine Connection." . In this he was echoing a time-honoured tradition in mysticism handed down from the Desert Fathers that the sweetness of connection with god could in itself be addicting and one could begin to seek the feeling rather than the connection; kind of a variation on the "finger pointing at the moon" story.

Now I find myself thinking about all of those times when in the midst of going through day, weeks and months of work in ministry; sitting in prayer or ... and nothing. No sweetness, sometimes little joy. I think it might be like relationships sometimes, all relationships I guess. There are times when you know you love your partner and then there are times when it is a matter of faith.

There are times when i know i'm loved by God and then there are times when ... duh!! ... It's a matter of faith. It is said that some of the saints and mystics, John of the Cross (famous for the dark night of the Soul schtick) spent years without the consolation of the knowing his connection with God. Actually I think he always "KNEW" it but didn't always feel it. St Teresa of Avila is reported to have said to God after having been thrown into an icy stream on one of her "Convent Rescue Missions" "God ... It is no wonder you have so few friends, when the ones you have you treat so badly." The anthropomorphic reference to God aside, don't you sometimes feel that all of the energy you're putting into this God thing deserves justa little comfort and joy.

I kinda think I'm missing something when I get into that particular "pity party".

Sure it would be great to feel and this is perhaps a nod to the "knowing" group in RS that I bashed so badly on Sunday. There is a lot to be said for the certainty that comes from faith; faith that God is always there; faith that when I feel distant from God that I know just who moved; faith that Love, Peace, Harmony and Justice are really there in the midst of chaos and ... death. We watched the documentary on Columbine the other night and ... . We caught the tailend of a report on an Iranian woman's tearful farewell to her family in YVR after a judge ordered her deported her and consigned her to an uncertain fate in her native country. Or just sometimes think of the private hells that some of my people are going through.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
This is definitely not where I want to buy real estate."

Surely Goodness and Mercy ... follow me all the days of my life, You go, Dave!!